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Blue Waffles: Perpetuating the 'Vagina of the Patriarchy' One Breakfast at a Time

Did you know waffle is slang for vagina? Interesting. I never would have thought of a vagina while eating waffles. It's quite nonsensical as slang terms go; which is fitting because the newest "STD" on the radar is equally nonsensical. Information about "blue waffle disease" has apparently been circulating around the internet since 2010 - but I just caught wind of it this weekend by reading an article from the Women's Health Foundation.

What, might you ask, is "blue waffle disease"? I thought the best definition was on UrbanDictionary.com, but essentially it is a (FAKE) STD which can only be passed from females to males, manifests mainly through blue bruises on the vulva, and is a result of bad vaginal hygiene. It is also worth noting that most people who believe this disease is real are pre-teens or teenagers who are seeking sexual health information from illegitimate internet websites like this one or this one.

When I originally read the article I was concerned about misinformation and the pitfalls of sex education in America. I wasn't overly concerned with the misogynistic or patriarchal implications of this fabricated disease. Misogyny and patriarchy were present (one day everyone will understand vaginas are not dirty) but the ever present "dirty vagina" idea was less a concern for me than the fact that kids across the country actually believe in this STD. That was until I started my own mini-research on blue waffle disease and realized the whole STD is apparently an excuse to put women in their place sexually while simultaneously getting them to emulate what I will call the "vagina of the patriarchy".

The vagina of the patriarchy is white, hairless, perfectly symmetrical, doesn't have any discharge, and exists for the purpose of heterosexual intercourse - but not too much heterosexual intercourse. Oh, and let's not forget about the tones of slut shaming and sexual violence present in the "information" about this disease. Here are some samples (and those typos are not my own):

"The disease is typically observed in prostitutes and whores who indulge in activities of Unsafe sex, who use of sex toys and prostitution are the main cause of disease."

"Blue waffle is a vaginal abnormality caused by severe beatings at the hand of the man-stick, excessive ferocious poundings can results in grotesque flap growth resembling a waffly versatile potato waffle but also taking on a bluey-green colour. Often covered in sweaty fur as a result of the skanky mess who owns the vagina being crap at personal hygene.. mingers."

Because whoever wrote the first quote is likely an ignorant moron let's assume they are talking about street prostitution - not one of the many other types of prostitution (i.e. call girls). See, women who practice street prostitution do not indulge in unsafe sex. Usually, they are forced either economically or physically to engage in prostitution. It is not a choice or a reflection of their character but a method of survival. Oh, and fun fact: female street prostitutes are disproportionately of "lower" socioeconomic statuses. But the men who visit them typically represent every socioeconomic status. Hmmm....street prostitutes wouldn't be "indulging" if there was no one to do it with. Perhaps the problem is not with the supplier but with the demand.

Now on to the second quote, which is slightly more disturbing and problematic because of it's blatant promotion of violence against women. Apparently "severe beatings at the hand of the man-stick" and "excessive ferocious poundings" is code for sex. In reality, if your vagina is getting "beat by a man-stick" it's probably sexual assault. But in this quote, instead of offering the sexual assault survivor aid, they continue on to blame them for being a whore and allowing all those men to give them blue waffle disease. Funny how the men are inflicting the pain and disease here but the woman is getting blamed.

One purpose of these examples is to define female sexuality in negative terms: good women do not have multiple sex partners, they do not use sex toys, and they do not have hair on their vulva. The other purpose is to frighten women into behaving according to these narrow patriarchal standards. The second quote blatantly describes sexual violence and effectively blames women for its repercussions.

So, what I originally thought was just a bad case of some idiot making up a disease and misinforming a bunch of teenagers actually turns out to be a huge hurdle in regards to sexual violence and positive female sexuality. You know what a thirteen year old girl will think if she comes across this "information"? Hint: it's not going to be a complex analysis of patriarchal definitions of sexuality and incidences of sexual violence.

So spread the word - let's defeat "blue waffle disease" in all it's patriarchal glory. -Jen Kaltveit, Hamline University

Catch Up On What You Missed: Friday Highlights

"Pregnancy Centers Come Under Fire for Abortion Info"

NARAL Pro-Choice Minnesota released a report this week which chronicled the types of information given to women who seek help at crisis pregnancy centers. Get the full story from the Star Tribune.

"Birth Control for Men?"

Ms. Magazine's blog takes another look at what new birth control methods developed for men might look like. For the full story see the Ms. Magazine Blog.

"Duluth Joins Campaign to Defeat the Marriage Amendment"

The Duluth City Council just announced they voted to formally oppose the Marriage Amendment which will appear on the ballot in November. Check out MNUnited.org or the Duluth News Tribune for more information.

"Taboos Undercut Nepal's Marital Rape Law"

Some women in Nepal are trying to figure out how to handle marital rape and domestic violence. Get the full story at WomensENews.org.

"Pittsburgh's Milk Truck Breaks for Nursing Moms"

A new organization is blooming in Pittsburgh. Figure out why it might soon be easier to breastfeed on the streets from WomensENews.

Highlights: Catch Up On This Week's Exciting News

"Finally, Finally! FBI's 'Forcible Rape' Definition is Officially History"

It's official, the FBI has changed their definition of rape - which means statistics will better reflect actual incidences of sexual assault. This change will also help highlight better ways to fight rape culture and stop sexual violence. Get the full story at Ms. Magazine's Blog.

"Yale University Discovers Firsthand the Awful Results of Gender Cohabitation"

The results are in! And they're not awful - they're actually exactly what you might expect. Check out Yale University's foray into mixed gender on-campus housing in this Jezebel article.

"The Tea Party's Not-So-Civil War"

For an in-depth look at how the Tea Party functions, what they're thinking about the upcoming election and an all in all great read, hit up this New York Times Magazine article.

"Who Needs New Hampshire? Minneapolis Election Winners: Susan Allen and Kari Dziedzic"

In a special election this week Susan Allen became the first Native American woman elected to the Minnesota legislature and Kari Dziedzic won in Senate District 59. For more details on the elections and the elected visit the article on Twin Cities Daily Planet.

"Victims of Eugenics Sterilization in NC to be Compensated"

North Caroline intends to compensate victims of its former eugenics program $50,000 each. Get the full story at Feministing.com.

American Association of University Women Campus Action Projects

This year’s CAP grant program focuses on the issues raised by AAUW’s upcoming research report, Crossing the Line: Sexual Harassment in Schools.The report includes nationally representative data about the sexual harassment that occurs in grades seven through 12. To put research into practice, teams of student leaders and campus faculty nationwide may apply for up to $5,000 to design and implement programs using recommendations from the report, found in the request for proposals. Project goals may include raising awareness about sexual harassment or improving schools’ prevention methods and responsiveness to sexual harassment. Applications must be submitted by October 21. Applicants will be contacted by December 2. AAUW college/university partner members receive preference.

 

Don't Talk About Sexual Violence Prevention On Campus

It’s the beginning of the school year, and on campuses across Minnesota young women are exercising their new-found freedom to explore new relationships and new experiences.  The majority will look back on these halcyon years fondly, but nearly one in four women will have their college years ruined by sexual violence.

According to the Department of Justice, “Women ages 16 to 24 experience rape at four times higher than the assault rate of all women, making the college (and high school) years the most vulnerable for women.”  The DOJ estimates that “almost 25 percent of college women have been victims of rape or attempted rape.”  In addition, the DOJ notes women enrolled in private colleges and major universities experience higher than national average rates of sexual violence. (Source: “Acquaintance Rape of College Students," www.cops.usdoj.gov/pdf/e03021472.pdf, page 2).

Especially during these first few weeks of school, we need to talk about rape and other forms of sexual violence:  what it is, who does it, and why they think it’s ok.  But don't try to raise awareness about sexual violence, rape, or harassment on campus, because you will be called "Self-righteous," "corrosive," "confrontational," and accused of "browbeating moralizing that effectively ensures our campus will never engage in a forthright dialogue about sexual violence."  How do I know this?  Because this is what happened at Hamline University when the Women’s Resource Center (WRC) tried to get campus talking about rape and sexual violence prevention. 

Last April, Hamline WRC students conducted a guerrilla poster campaign for Sexual Violence Prevention Awareness Week designed to confront common attitudes about rape and sexual violence.  Using images cut from People Magazine, they designed posters with slogans such as 

• Is it rape if she’s isn’t a 10? Yes!
• The most common drug used in rape is alcohol
• You don’t have to be straight to be raped, and
• Know your power – step in, speak up

Immediately after they placed the posters in their display cabinet and around campus, the cabinet was vandalized with a large handwritten sign taped to it that read: "Using images of overly-sexualized females to discourage sexual assault is ill-conceived and counter intuitive."  WRC staff immediately removed the sign as was their right; however, the student newspaper, the Oracle, jumped into the fray and published an editorial condemning the posters.

Judge for yourself: are these images taken from People Magazine "overly-sexualized"?